Staying Alive

Have you ever felt misunderstood?
Felt such immense heartache and pain that you didn’t think you could?
To walk around being yourself when the world said you shouldn’t?
To live in hell while you pretend you’re nice and safe in heaven?
People ask how you’re doing, but you know they don’t care, so you just say… good
Because if you tried to explain your pain, they would not be a counselor but a cold judge.
You know they would because your proof is a past of burned bridges,
So you deal with it yourself and you keep digging, turning your hole into an ever-darkening ditch.
In the end, you have a mountain of regrets and no one to talk you away from that cliff.
You don’t want to jump, you don’t want to overdose, you don’t want to cut your wrists.
You just want to get better; you just want to get to the light at the end of the tunnel.
But you can’t run, for attached like a ball and chain are all your troubles
You fought like hell; you ran, then walked, then crawled; God knows you struggled,
But it isn’t enough, and you’re tired of doing it alone,
So you cry out, but there comes no hand to pull you out of the rubble.
You give and give, but the world just takes and takes
You begin to break and break, more and more, day after day
With each day, louder and louder are the wicked whispers from the seemingly comfortable grave
For you’d rather lie six feet under than in a bed of snakes.
You’re so full of heartache that your only friend is pain.
You made mistakes, and so has everyone else.
You forgive peoples’ sins, but they remind you of yours, choking you like a rope around the neck.
You’ve been nice to people, but you struggle to keep your demons in check.
One can only be stabbed in the back so many times before you set up an unscalable defense,
A wall to keep the world away because your weary heart can’t take any more disrespect.
You tried your best, but your plans never turned out the way they should’ve.
So, then you go to sleep haunted by the same questions, thinking, “What if,”
Playing people’s insults over and over in your head, all lying to you that you’re not good enough.
But you are, you’re so special, just your life has been so tough.
They say the more demons, the greater things in which you are meant for,
And you’re tougher than most people could even dream of
For they don’t know what it’s like to walk alone
Because if they did, they’d take a minute to actually care rather than cast their stones,
Those very stones that leave scars that still show,
And those are nothing compared to the wounds they leave deep below,
But, still, morning after morning and night after night,
You just walk along, smiling, pretending to be all right
For that’s all you can do to stay in this fight, to live your life, to stay alive.