It’s Cold and Empty Out Here

The door slammed shut behind him, leaving her ears ringing and an awkward silence in the room. A single lamp was lit on her dresser, just barely illuminating the room. A dull orange glow casting shadows around her figure. She had her head tilted up to stare at the textured ceiling. Her eyes wide and unblinking. The room felt warm, almost hot. The blanket was tugged tightly around her bare body as if to suffocate it. Feelings of exposure and humiliation washed over her. She was still and breathing in shaky, controlled breaths. She looked at the phone next to her, then quickly snatched it and dialed a number. The phone rang once, twice, a third time. A voice came through the phone, tired and groggy.

“Hey sweetheart, is everything—”

As soon as she heard her mother’s voice, she hung up and then hurled her phone across the room. It crunched against the wall and then fell to the floor. She didn’t know why she called her mother when she could have called anyone else. She didn’t want to hear her mother’s tired voice telling her she should have been more careful or reprimanding her about wasting her time on boys. She wanted some comfort, anything to make the pain just a bit more bearable. But the damage was done. It will never fix itself; it will never heal. She curled up into a ball on her bed and put her hands over her face, convulsing. Tears slipping and sliding between her fingertips. The heat in the room reached a crescendo, scorching her and everything around her. After some time, she stopped. She felt a sudden chill take over, causing her skin to get clammy. Then a cold, numbing emptiness bled from her. Consuming from the inside out. Swallowing her whole. Everything around her got darker, and darker, and darker…

***

His truck’s wheels silently crunched against the snow. Snowflakes lazily floated down in clumps and landed on his windshield, only to get swept away by angry wipers. He stared out into the road with a tired intensity. His eyes strained against the gray and white wilderness before him. The headlights only made the whiteness brighter. He thought about calling her, then decided not to. It would only cause more attachment, and he didn’t want it to become a habit. This wasn’t what he wanted, so now he had to play clean up. Why did she have to act like that? Everything seemed fine before and now…

Her distraught face materialized in his mind, and he could hear her voice rattle in his head.

“You’re always so cold towards me, it’s like you don’t even care…”

He didn’t want to think about it. He was tired and just wanted to get home and sleep, to forget this night had ever happened. He turned on the radio, and music filled the warm truck. He huffed an exasperated sigh, thinking about how much time he wasted coming all the way out here to see her. Out here, where it was cold, and empty.